Mixed Up Fairy Tales

Character Index:
Rachel:
Henrietta Frog/Henry Frog:
Petunia Pig/Piper Pig:
Little Red/Riding Hood:
Evil Witch/Wizard:
Repunzel:
Cinderella:
Sleeping Beauty:
Peter Pig:
Parker Pig:
Hansel:
Gretel:

(Princess Council is sitting. Henry (Henrietta) Frog jumps in.)
Henry Frog: This is great, just great. Ribbit.
Repunzel: What’s wrong now, Henry (Henrietta)?
Henry Frog: Ribbit, one of those humans, is here from Earth, ribbit. That stupid witch (wizard) is trying to . . .
Cinderella: Oh no, not again. I guess we have to go meet her, and make sure the witch doesn’t get near her.
(Rachel is walking in the forest and comes to Piper (Petunia) Pig)
Rachel: Where in the world am I?
Piper Pig: Grandma’s woods, where all sweets are good.
Rachel: You’re a talking pig.
Piper Pig: You’re a talking girl, and that’s a talking rock, oh wait, I don’t think that rock talks.
Rachel: Okay.
Piper Pig: Hey, will you help me find sticks to build my house. I want to be able to play my pipes, and this whole building business is taking to long. But, apparently the big bad wolf is in town, and he’s looking for little piggies, like my brothers and me.
Rachel: Are you sure sticks will be enough, to stop the wolf?
Piper Pig: I don’t know. What do you know about wolves?
Rachel: Nothing really, I guess they don’t have hands. But I just don’t know, shouldn’t you choose a stronger building material?
Piper Pig: It’s a known fact the stronger the material the harder it is to put together and the longer it takes. Take my brother, Peter, for instance, he’s building his house out of bricks and he won’t be done until way late. My other brother’s making his house out of hay is already done.
Rachel: I really need to get home.
Piper Pig: You should go talk to Little Red (Riding Hood), she’s (he’s) going home too. She (he) just visited her (his) grandma. Hey, look here she (he) comes.
(Little Red (Riding Hood) comes up carrying a basket, or riding a horse depending on gender)
Little Red: Hiya, Piper (Petunia). Watch out for that wolf, he almost got my gramma. I over heard him saying, “Oh well, I guess we’ll just have to go for the three little pigs.” Too bad that woodcutter couldn’t get him. Who’s your friend?
Rachel: I’m Rachel.
Little Red: I’m Little Red (Riding Hood). What brings ya to Gramma’s woods-
Piper Pig and Little Red: Where all the sweets are good.
Rachel: I don’t really get that.
Piper Pig: This girl over here is trying to get home, I told her you were going home too, and that you would take her.
Little Red: ‘Course I will. Will you come with us, Piper (Petunia)? I love that pipe of yours. Ya sure do play it well.
Piper Pig: I guess I can do this later. I like playing my pipes more then this whole building business.
(Rachel, Little Red (Riding Hood), and Piper (Petunia) Pig are walking down the road. Piper (Petunia) is playing his (her) pipes while Little Red (Riding Hood) is making gestures like she’s (he’s) talking. Rachel fallows awkwardly behind.)
Little Red: Can ya’all believe it? Aren’t them bears just the rudest things ever?
Rachel: Wait, all they did was nicknamed you Goldilocks.
Little Red: Yah. Can ya’all believe it?
Rachel: You broke into their house. You’re lucky that’s all they did.
Little Red: They also tried to trap me and kill me. I was lucky I could run away before they could catch me.
(Piper (Petunia) Pig stops playing to talk to Little Red (Riding Hood).)
Piper Pig: Didn’t your mom tell you not to get into things you weren’t supposed to?
Little Red: She also told me not to talk to strangers. But if I hadn’t I wouldn’t have met you. Then again, if I hadn’t talked to strangers maybe that wolf wouldn’t have almost eaten me and my gramma.
Parker Pig (Off stage): Piper (Petunia)!
Peter Pig (Off stage): Piper (Petunia)!
Piper Pig: Brothers!
(Peter Pig and Parker Pig run on stage. Peter should be carrying a bundle of hay and Parker should be carrying plaster.)
Parker Pig: Piper (Petunia), shouldn’t you be building your house? If you don’t start now you may not be able to finish by tonight.
Piper Pig: Relax, Parker. I’m already half way done, and even with this short break, I’ll still be done before you.
Parker Pig: Don’t tell me your making your house out of straw like Peter! That will never keep a wolf out. Peter’s an idiot for choosing it.
Peter Pig: Hey!
Parker Pig: Exactly, that’s what I meant.
Piper Pig: No, I’m making my house out of sticks.
Parker Pig: My brothers (brother and sister) are idiots!
Piper and Peter Pig: Hey!
Parker Pig (Noticing Little Red (Riding Hood) and Rachel): Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t even notice you two. How are you, Little Red (Riding Hood)?
Little Red: I almost got eaten by a wolf, but besides that, fine.
Parker Pig: And I’m afraid I don’t know you. (Referring to Rachel.)
Piper Pig: That’s Rachel, Little Red and me are helping her get home.